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I like most everyone in the world, have always wondered about love at first sight. Debating back and forth, is it real, is it fake. That could never happen, but what if it did. I have to say that I am a true believer. I met a guy, his name is Don. And we’ve been dating for over a month now but… wow. He makes me feel like no other. He makes me stop and thing… no wait; I’ve never truly been in love before. The first time I saw him, literally the first time our eyes met… something clicked. I could physically feel it and that night we stayed up until 7:30 in the morning talking, just talking. Two days later, we stay up until 5 in the morning talking and end up falling asleep in his arms, lying together on the couch. Later that day we are an item. It happened so fast, faster than I always thought I’d be comfortable with but I am. He had the dinner with the rents yesterday and suffered through dinner, dessert, and cards. There are things about him, quirks, that drive me crazy but I don’t want to change them. For a relationship that has only been for little more than a months… what I have with him seems like so much more. He’s talking about the end of the summer taking me to meet his only sister up in Iowa. He’s already said that this relationship is so completely different from any other he’s had, who he can see this one lasting indefinitely. And in passing yesterday, made a comment about living together. I’m scared, a bit, about how fast the relationship is happening but… I don’t know. I do love him I don’t know what else to call what I feel for him but… still, I wonder if love at first sight is true but there is no other way for me to comprehend the fact that I fell this hard, this fast.
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Friday, February 15th, 2008
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| Time: | 1:21 am. |
| Mood: |  indescribable. |
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Sometimes i wonder if i'm crazy for still wanting to be with a guy that has a girlfriend.
I know he likes me bu the way he acts but at the same time is it just me wanting to read the signs i see?
All i know is I like him. Really him. Not just for looks or because i'm searching for a missing part of myself like those in the past but truly him, flaws and all. There is just something about his personality that screams to me. That makes me want to scream. That has me being myself, not some f'ed up idea i have of what others want of me.
Maybe I am crazy.
I just want to know if he likes me, it's this inbetween that's killing me.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
Don't wish. Don't hope.
Wishful thinking wounds your heart.
Don't smile. Don't cry.
Why can't i look him in the eye.
What was i thinking?
Did i honestly think that i had a chance?
Foolish me, why can't i see
The way he stares at her
It's evident that it isn't me he sees.
Chin up. Just forget...
The way he makes me feel
And remember
Maybe someday, I'll be that girl
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| Time: | 12:21 am. |
| Mood: |  crushed. |
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It seems that tonight i have dropped to an all time low that i haven't felt since i was helpless and 12 years old. I have come so close to depression, without knowing, that i stopped eating. And didn't realize. I had an eposide today and it scared the shite out of me.
In the last 24 hours i had a 1/2 cup of soup and 2 glasses of juice and only that because i started blacking out from the blood sugar drop. And for the last 2 weeks every time i eat anything remotely normal to a porsion size i'd feel so sick. Every morning walking up sick to my stomach ready to puke at the mere thought of food. Sleeping at least 10 hours a day. Goddess bless it i should of seem it but i've been so caught up with everything with my Dad and college that i just haven't been keen on thinking abut myself. And everything caught up with me
About an hour ago i started getting dizzy and sick in the stomach. Overall just very weak and headachy. That's when i got this wave of dizzyness and everything became black and i collasped right on the front yard, in the dark with no one in the house even awake enough to care. It only got worse from there.
When i came to i threw up what little i had to eat and barely was able to move. My muscles were heavy and hardly seemed like they wanted to work. I just eat, or forced myself to, making sure i had some protein and natural sugars. The feeling of wanted to regect the food is leaving and i'm starting to feel better.
It just scared me though because, my family, the people i'm living with didn't notice that i was acting out of character. Looking back it's not like it wouldn't be hard to notice. I pretty much stop eating and i love to eat so it just goes to show me that my dad and step mom just don't know me.
If i was at home with my Mom she would see it. My boyfriend would see it and make sure i eat, force me to if need be. He knows me to well to have over looked this. And it makes me miss him so uch more because i need him to take care of me when i can't take care of myself. Just like i do for him, i know he's eating to much ice cream and cookies and not enough fruit. I KNOW him like that. When i call him tomorrow to tell him what happen he will flip out and it's call i can do to have him not hop the next flight.
It just hit me that if, Goddess forgive, anything happen to me there is no one less then 1200 miles away that i know truly cares about me. What a though.
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Thursday, April 26th, 2007
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| Time: | 1:16 am. |
| Mood: |  creative. |
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Beauty of the Storm Tap, tap, tap is all I hear;
In the first rain of the year
See the beauty of the storm,
Feel the rain drops, feel the warmth.
In this rain I find such comfort,
More than lies could e'er distort;
Here, I feel that I belong,
I don't want that feeling gone.
Soothing is this soft downpour,
Like the waves against the shore.
Tap, tap, tap, I feel at home,
Makes me shiver at the bone.
But how long will this all last?
How long till the storm does pass?
For, the good has rarely stayed,
Most often has gone astray.
I can only pray for time,
That I don't see the sunshine,
For when the sunlight breaks through,
Evaporates the fresh dew.
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Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
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I have always loved the rain but until tonight i never knew how freeing the rain could be. I have always danced in the rain and splached in the puddles but to night i truly felt freedom in the rain.
The rain was calling me, yelling for me to play in it. So i gave into impusle and rain outside not caring that i was in shorts and a sports bra or that any one could see me. I forgot about all my problems and danced in the rain. For once i was not scared of the thuner and lightning.
Even now as i sit still cold and wet i don't feel the cold. I feel light and free and full of energy. The magic is flowing. Does anyone else want to dance in the rain with me?
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I wonder... I'm here, just siting and i feel like I'm wasting away. I hate this waiting period. I'm waiting for my parents to pack MY stuff and drive MY car down to me. I made the decision to stay here... in Louisiana but how could i decide to leave when my mom was talking to my step mom and telling me things like i can't come home until i register for college, one down here. How do they think i can make a logical choice when I had suitcases bought for me and i could see them already packing my bags.
I don't think i made the wrong choice it's just.... was i given the chance to choice? But i did make a choice and i will live with it. I just miss what i had. I feel so weak right now, in this waiting period. I know i'm living here but without my stuff, my car and staring at plain white walls. It's so surreal. I'm getting used to the werid sounds the house is making, and it makes a lot of werid, loud noises for a new house.
I just miss so much from Michigan. I heard my dog on the phone and i just wanted to cry. I think i miss her as one of the most. She was like my baby blanket. And me being me and having nothin else to do i keep looking at pictures.
The other day i got a package in the mail. You try explaining why you are getting a package in the mail to your father when the return address as three guys names on it when said father doesn't know you've been snicking your guy friends into his house for the last couple of years or that you have a steady boyfriend when he believes you've never had one, let along one this serious and advanced.
But anyway this package had me laughting to tears. First Donny sent me a pair of his shorts. His favorite pair, because he knows that love those shorts. And i got about 4 dozen pictures from Dom, Dee and Donny. I love the ones from Donny, thing Dan Radcliffe in Equus. Yes, sexy pictures, minus the horse. And then just a bunch of pictures of De and Dom being the smily happy couple and then them just being them mini golf and what i assume to be them sing Rent in the snow.
And on a deifferent note, Donny's being pissy because me and the guys doing construction next door ( the hot young one not the fat creepy ones) keep flirting. I swear it was inocent at first... but he's made because he can't tell the guys off. I love him but he can be difficult.
One the plus side i'm going to have two blissful weeks alone in July. That's what's getting me through the days until i get a job and forget everything by working 40+ hours a week again. Ahh, bliss.
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Thursday, March 29th, 2007
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Well, I'm here. After a half hour delay on my flight to Chicigo and a 2 hour layover and a hour and a half delay i made it to Lousisana yesterday at 4 o'clock instead of 1:30. and i fit right in. i had no problem unpacking and finding where everything is. We had dinner and watched TV. And i passed out at 11 at night. And when i woke up i went and emptied the dishwasher.
I know it sounds so stupid but i guess i expected that when i got here it would look so different. I don't know why but I didn't think it would look normal. Not what i mean to say but it looks like i could still be in Michigan. Yes, i can see the differences but it wasn't as big of a difference. Anyone have an idea of what i'm saying?
It's been a day and i still miss everyne. It's just the idea that i can't jump in my car and see them. And i don't have my car down here and it bugs me. I've already called Donny 3 times today. And called my mom 7 times yesterday. I hope i will bellow out but at least i'm not so stressed and nervus that i can't sleep, like last week. It's just like eerything feel into place with me being here
And a few side notes:
A) There is a Super Target, i've never even heard of one.
B) and a Winn-Dixes. For real.
C) Everyone is so nice and friendly... except when driving. They drive like they're crazy, i'm glad they don't have snow, it would be worse.
D) i think my neibors are gay. It's two guys living together. Yay! i MIGHT have gay neibors
and E) there is no Fago pop here. None! Where a i going to get my red pop. I want my strawberry pop. Oh, and it's not pop down here. It's soda.
Talk to ya'll later!
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Well, it's final. The ticket is bought and i finally have something that is solid. I thought then when i knew i was flying down, when i had the ticket in my hand and my bags where getting packed. I thought i'd feel better. I knew it would still hurt but i still have that pain in my stomach. I called Donny and told him this morning. And he was silent for a few minutes and when he spoke it broke my heart. He started talking on something else. He didn't say a word about me leaving in a week. Goddess bless i know it only for a little bit now but still.
I don't know what i wanted him to do. Did i want him to cry and say don't go, or say see you later. I don't know. And another thing. I didn't know it would hurt this much when my Dad moved. It's been less than a week but Goddess i miss him. And it's not like i can just drive down and see him. Every time i talk to him or Carol i alway end up forcing my tears away. But i'm excited about this. It's an adventer and I've just taken the first step.
Would someone give me a plan... please
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Thursday, March 8th, 2007
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I'm going to see Rent tonight. Yay! Rent the musical. And it's going to be my second proffesinal play (or musical) ever! And it's going to rock (Hopefully). And Rent just knocked Fiddlers on the Roof off the list for the 10th longest running play ever!
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Wednesday, February 28th, 2007
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Sometimes i think i really am crazy. Like there are two of me and i never know when they switch. At home i'm more standoff-ish but when I'm with friends or my dads or with Donny i guess i'm just more relaxed and different. I'm not stressing so i'm not freaking out.
And on the Donny note... i am not worthy enough to have a boy-friends as sweet as him. Our belated V-day celebration was the sweetish and more romantic thing that i have ever seen (movies included). I can see why he was so pissed when i told him i could come. First thing i see when i walk in the door is a notecard hanging from the ceiling saying there are PJ in the closet and to change and follow the trail of roses petals (pick).
He had a trail of roses leading to the bathroom and another note. I changed and followed the rose petels (White) it into the kitchen, to the frigde to grab the sparkling Apple Juice and the ice bucket. Found a note taped to the bottle saying to go into the living room. Following the yellow rose petals i went toward the living room and almost dropped everything i was holding.
In the living room Donny had blown up the air mattress and placed it in front of the fireplace. Candles were lit and i spelled Sage incents (my favorite incents). On on the mattress was a pillow with a single red rose and a note tied to it. It said to get comfortable and that he'll be out in a moment.
Next thing i know he comes strutting out in his tight black boxer briefs with a bow tied around his neck. He was just so cute and i want noting more than to jump him. He made me a chocolate sueffle and we had chocolate covered strawberries. A while later that night he told me he had one more gift for me. He reached behind him and handed me a long box.
In that box was a necklace and a charm. It was a star, a very expensive white gold and diamon star. He put the necklace on me and whispered that i was his shinning star and i had helped guide him to this point in time. Oh, my, Goddess. I honestly can't believe how sweet he was that night.
At about 1 in the morning we are snoozing on the mattress and his parents come home. His mom sticks her head into the living room and asks if we were decent and if they could come home yet. Donny threw a pillow at her and told her to come back in a couple of hours and his dad just had to stick his head in and say "Is it gonna you that long. Remember son you can only go so many times in one night." I threw a pillow at him and Donny's mom smacked her husband and i smacked Donny before he could say anything else.
Even now, just looking at the necklace i wonder how i got so lucky.
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Friday, February 23rd, 2007
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Yes, it is late and i know i should be in bed, under the covers and off in dream land but i truly can't sleep when my mind won't shut up. I know i'm moving and honestly i couldn't be happier. I'm tired of my Mom. I love her to death but i feel like she is strangling me with the apron strings she refuses to cut. As i said i'm glad i'm moving but i wish things could hold still and never change. Yet at the same time i want to speed up time and get this waiting period done.
No matter where i go or who i talk to it all seems that they just HAVE to ask me about moving. Yes, i told you a while ahead of time so it wouldn't seem like i told you and left but when i'm with my friends i want to get away from thinking not be reminded of what i'm running from. God and moving!! I'm not scared, per say, i know i'm leaving and going to a place i've never been with no one i know even remotly close but i'm not scare. I'm excited and i just want to speed time forward and get it over with. For now i just keep sweeting the small stuff. What's the lay out of the house? I'll have to buy new bedroom funicher so will i get wood or painted. How am i going to decorate my room. I think that's what's bugging me the most. I know i'm just focusing on that to block out everything else but it is bugging me.
And what about Donny? I truly love him and i have for longer than i can even remember but will it work with him so far away? He won't even be here when i come back to visit. And i know we are both being stupid and fighting right now. I understand now, how couples fight before they have to say goodbye. Will it make it easier. Like last weekend... my sick non-English speaking grandma demanded me come over and help her. And i don't know if anyone has ever met a old Italian women but when they demand you come running because they can be scary. But anyway, since me and Donny couldn't spend V-Day together he had a special surprise romantic day set up for us on Saturday. I found out on Wendsay that i was not spending my weekend at my dad's like i thought so on Thursday after my class at 8:30 PM i drove the hour to my dads to drop something off, then the 30 minutes to my cousins house to pick something up for my grandma at her house and then the extra 30 minutes back to Donny's house. Before leaving at Midnight to drive the hour and 30 minutes to my grandmas house.
We, me, him, his mom and dad, had coffee and cookies and i told Donny that i couldn't spend this Saturday with him. It was cute and damn frustrating to see him throw a tantrum. He ranted and raved that i wasn't being fair and wouldn't shut up until his dad smacked him upside the head. And we didn't talk till Tuesday.
I know it was out of charater for him to be so romantic and secritive (that boy can barely hide anything from me without blushing and telling me everything and he still won't tell me what he has planned). When he called to say sorry ( in a voice that just make me want to melt and snuggle up with him and damn, he knows it) we ended up arguing and fighting and we both felt like asses. Tonight after my class we went out to O'Callahan's to have Baily's Irish Cream creme brule for dessert. It was his way of saying sorry. We had a romantic date and he handed me a HP tattoo and showed me the one on his shoulder before he kissed me goodnight. That's one of the things i love the most about him. He knows how much i'm upset about moving so he help me hold onto the past.
We used to place a tattoo somewhere on our bodies where only the other one would see as sort of a marking, a claim. It's something we and Dom and De used to do as a symbol of our friendship. We haven't done it in at least two years but i know he's trying. Maybe that's why i love him. He knows me so well and he knows exactly what to do without me having to say anything. He's my one and only best friend. Yes i have good friends but Don is just... i guess its me being able to drop my guard. I don't have to pretend about anything. I don't have to always be the strong one.
My favorite thing to do with him is to read to him. I love books and so does Donny. The weekend we spent together, he went out and bought me a book and asked me to read to him. He'll lay with his head in my lap and close his eyes and let me just read. And i'll read the book and run my fingers through his black hair. I love how i know it so well. When i scratch his head and run my fingers through his head he almost always falls asleep. Or i know just THAT spot that makes his hard every time. But he knows how to wind me up too. And more than anything i love being wrapped in his arms while i sleep or we watch tv or when we just talk. Whenever we are along i just want to crumble in his arms and never have him let go. Anyone know what i mean?
Am i crazy? Right now more than anything i want to take hold of Donny and run. I want to isolate us from the world and have a repeat of that never ending weekend. He is my secruity blanket and when i move i don't know what i'll do.How will i face the thunder and the lightning without him to help me sleep. I've gotten so used to having him that i don't want to have him leave. Someone help me. I've fallen head ober heels and i love it and hate how vunerable i feel.
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Tuesday, January 30th, 2007
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Well, i got him. After all the fighting and the silence we are finally dating. Me and Donny are together and have been for 3 weeks. Ever since i found out my dad was moving... out of state... 17 hours away.... and wants me to go with him... But i was tired of never getting what i wanted so i went to Donny's house and pretty much jumped him. And the whole night was just beautiful.
I was tired of holding back...
... letting what I want...
... slip through my fingers
So I gave into what I wanted and...
... I got to sense so many wonderful things
The surprise written on his face...
... as I made the first move
Seeing him lose control as we kissed...
... unleashing all the passion...
... we've held back for far too long
Reveling in his taste of mint and...
... how he smelled of freshly cut grass
Smiling at the comfortable feeling...
... of his weight settling on me...
... his body above mine
The shine his eyes held...
... will he whispered 'beautiful'
The ghost of breathe over my ear...
... as he told me he loved me...
... over and over again
The feeling as our tears mingled and...
... the sensation of him kissing away all my tears
And the ache as we touched...
... rediscovering what we almost lost.
And when I awoke...
... I heard his soft peaceful breathing...
... as he slept with me...
... safely wrapped in his arms
And when he awoke...
... the fist thing he did was smile and...
... ask 'mind if i kiss you'
And I knew it wasn't a dream
Another poem written for and about him. But this is a happy one. I really do love him. I always have and i believe i always will. Because of him i have . It feels like all the shite we went through to get to this seems to finally be
changed point in time worth all the pain.
I'm happy just being with him. We have gone out more that 20 times already. Watched movies and it feels wonderful to have his arms around me. I don't over look anything anymore and every time i can, I do hug him. I kiss him and i tell him i love him. Even when i went to the movies with Richard and Evan... i asked if he wanted to go and he told me he had to work the next day so he couldn't go. I was ok but he called me three times during the movie to say he missed me.
At times i wish this will last forever. This feeling,his actions, the desire to be wrapped in his arms and never let go. But nothing last forever. Soon he will be on the east coast for College and i might be 17 hours away from the memories of us. Doesn't seem fair does it. When I finally got him, i must lose him but we understand and we will hold on tightly to each other for as long as he can. His parents will be gone this weekend and my dad believe i'm coming over on Sunday, my mom will see my leaving Friday. He's cooking my favorite dinner and together we're making his favorite cookies. We'll lay together in front of the fireplace and watch the movies he has picked. And he'll lay with his head in my lap and i will read a book to him.
This won't be our last weekend together but this will be the last weekend we can pretend everything is ok. I will buy my plane ticket and he will start to buy fernishings for his apartment. And then, truly, nothing will be the same. I know we will fight and i know that we will be at the ropes end but i believe and i hope that we will be able to make up.
Nothing is ever simple and after this weekend my life will go in a direction that i have no control over. Same with Donny and I'm scared and i know he is. But no matter how much i wish it this weekend will go by too fast. But i will cherish it forever.
I love you
I have known this...
... feeling for a while but...
... to say it...
... to admit it...
... to hear myself
I was shocked
Most of all...
... when he whispered...
... I love you too
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Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
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Six years seems like such a long time. Long enough for a lot of things but yet after all this time why do i still morn Shane. Why do i cry and have horrible dreams only to find myself wake up crying out for someone that no longer exists. I miss him, i still love him but at the same time i hate him. I hate how i let myself get so close. I hate how he still has that power to hurt me.
I hate myself. There are so many 'what ifs' that run through my mind. Why did he have to die? What did though people have so much hate that they killed a innocent man? Why am i still not over it. Why can't i even talk about him with tears in my eyes.
Why? There are so many questions that i don't believe i will ever have an answer to.
The biggest what if that i ponder is what if Shane was never killed. I know i would be sitting here crying over him Dreading this sunday.
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Thursday, November 16th, 2006
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| Time: | 4:47 pm. |
| Mood: | tired. |
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You are The High Priestess
Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.
The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
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Friday, November 3rd, 2006
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I'm a Pagan. I'm an empath. I'm an Indigo adult. I can read tarot and dreams. I have so many god/dess given talents. But with so many thing that i can do, so many things that i learn to do or finally have a name for, i just begin to hate my given giftedness. My ability to have people look to be, beg me for help and ask shyly not wanted to believe that they are asking for it.
Sometimes i wonder why i put myself through the pain of doing readings for my friends. Maybe because i still believe in happy endings outside of the Disney effect. Sometimes i wish that i did not have a natural talent with my cards (i can still see Eliga shocked at how fast i picked it up). I find it funny how when so many of my friends ask for readings they will just brush off what i say or find a reason to believe that i lie. Why ask when you won't heed what i have to say? Sometimes i wonder if it is my gifts or be that people want to be friends with? Somehow i feel that i want to care but sometimes i am so sick with people that i don't care anymore. What should you do?
I have an answer
Tarot reads are now $5 a pop. If people have to pay for them maybe they will take them more serious. Maybe not. But like i said sometimes i just lose the will to care.
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Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
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"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"
-- Ernest Gaines
"The male homosexual is the most dangerous predator that is allowed to walk free on the earth."
--Sam Woodgeard [Aside: Maybe it would be good to stop pissing us off, then?]
Leonard Matlovich: Epitaph on his tombstone. He served for 12 years in the US Air Force, received exemplary ratings, won a Bronze Star and Purple Heart. After revealing his homosexual orientation, he was dishonorably discharged: "Here lies a man who was given a medal for killing two men,and a dishonorable discharge for loving one."
Salt Lake City Board of Education:"...UFO Club, Hispanic Club,...Native American Club,Human Rights Club, ...Young Democrats,...UFO (Ultimate Frisbee Organization), Advancement of Hispanic Students, ...Chinese Checkers Club...HIS Club (Bible study club),...Latino Pride Club,...Students Against Drunk Driving, Students of the Orient, Young Republicans." This is a partial list of high-school clubs banned in 1996 after the board determined it was the only method of legally eradicating a single student gay/lesbian support club.
Course, I'm adding these quotes:
The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision. ~Lynn Lavner
Homosexuality is god's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children. ~Sam Austin
Isn't it a violation of the Georgia sodomy law for the Supreme Court to have its head up its ass? ~Letter to Playboy magazine, February 1987
War. Rape. Murder. Poverty. Equal rights for gays. Guess which one the Southern Baptist Convention is protesting? ~The Value of Families
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. ~Dennis Miller
Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole. ~Judy Carter
From various bumper stickers: My sexual orientation? Horizontal, usually. ~ I can't even think straight. ~ Let's get one thing straight, I'm not. ~ Straight But Not Narrow ~ Closets are for clothes. ~ I'm not a lesbian but my girlfriend is. ~ I'm not gay but my boyfriend is. ~ Equal rights are not special rights. ~ Homophobia is a social disease.
Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?" ~John Stewart
Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals. Clearly we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons. ~Letter to the editor, The Advocate
To hear two American men congratulating each other on being heterosexual is one of the most chilling experiences - and unique to the United States. You don't hear two Italians sitting around complimenting each other because they actually like to go to bed with women. The American is hysterical about his manhood. ~Gore Vidal
What are you trying to protect heterosexual marriages from? There isn't a limited amount of love in Iowa. It isn't a non-renewable resource. If Amy and Barbara or Mike and Steve love each other, it doesn't mean that John and Mary can't. ~Ed Fallon
I get sick of listening to straight people complain about, "Well, hey, we don't have a heterosexual-pride day, why do you need a gay-pride day?" I remember when I was a kid I'd always ask my mom: "Why don't we have a Kid's Day? We have a Mother's Day and a Father's Day, but why don't we have a Kid's Day?" My mom would always say, "Every day is Kid's Day." To all those heterosexuals that bitch about gay pride, I say the same thing: Every day is heterosexual-pride day! Can't you people enjoy your banquet and not piss on those of us enjoying our crumbs over here in the corner? ~Rob Nash
And one of my favorite:
An engineering professor is treating her husband, a loan officer, to dinner for finally giving in to her pleas to shave off the scraggly beard he grew on vacation. His favorite restaurant is a casual place where they both feel comfortable in slacks and cotton/polyester-blend golf shirts. But, as always, she wears the gold and pearl pendant he gave her the day her divorce decree was final. They're laughing over their menus because they know he always ends up diving into a giant plate of ribs but she won't be talked into anything more fattening than shrimp.
Quiz: How many biblical prohibitions are they violating? Well, wives are supposed to be 'submissive' to their husbands (I Peter 3:1). And all women are forbidden to teach men (I Timothy 2:12), wear gold or pearls (I Timothy 2:9) or dress in clothing that 'pertains to a man' (Deuteronomy 22:5). Shellfish and pork are definitely out (Leviticus 11:7, 10) as are usury (Deuteronomy 23:19), shaving (Leviticus 19:27) and clothes of more than one fabric (Leviticus 19:19). And since the Bible rarely recognizes divorce, they're committing adultery, which carries the rather harsh penalty of death by stoning (Deuteronomy 22:22).
So why are they having such a good time? Probably because they wouldn't think of worrying about rules that seem absurd, anachronistic or - at best - unrealistic. Yet this same modern-day couple could easily be among the millions of Americans who never hesitate to lean on the Bible to justify their own anti-gay attitudes. ~Deb Price, And Say Hi To Joyce
We wwould like to know who really believes in gay rights on livejournal. There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you truly believe in gay rights, then repost this and title the post "Gay Rights." If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ingnore this. Thanks. Repost as you see fit.
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Friday, September 29th, 2006
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Yay! i have a job! Damn, i now have a job. But in all i do love it. The people i work with are nice and we joke around a lot. But man, have the people in the Kitchen with me DO NOT speak a lot of English. Including my partner in salad/ desserts. And he was being an asshole today. Yea today, Friday. What a wonderful day. I only worked 4 days and i'm so happy to stop. My feet are killing me. But i'm glad that at the end of the day i don't spell like a kitchen. Plus, a good thing, i get 50% off whenever i eat there and if i eat with people it's 50% for me and one other person.
Pay is good. $7.50 an hour and a .25-.50 cent raise for each station i learn. And theres about 5 or 6 so i can earn some good money. Sucks getting payed every 2 weeks but i can deal. Oh, and i can get dential and Health. Score! So overall beside my feet killing me (i think i'm getting used to standing and running around for 6 hours because they didn't start to hurt until about and hour before it was time to go) I'm enjoying it.
Yes, another thing that sucks big time. We can't bring in anything besides car keys and our uniform (Black non skid, oil rezitent shoes, black- socks, pants, chefs pants, chefs coat, apren and chefs hat. The only color we can have it a bandana tied around the neck. Also we have to have, small notebook, pen, termal (Termomater) 6 inch ruler and mesuring spoon set). That mean i can bring in a coat, purse, and NO CELL PHONES in the building. And since i don't have a car i'm SOL. But it's all good. I'll have one before my birthday!!!! Next Wendsay day!!!
Ok, yea, downside about the whole job thing? My sleep schedule is all messed up. I keep waking up at 2 in the morning and that's when i used to go to sleep. And a great thing about this job is i blew everyone out of the water! I mean the owner now knows me by name and keeps telling me what a great job i'm doing. And the four managers! And the Training people. It's a great ego bust. But yea, again, i'm tired so i'm off to nap!
Blessed Be
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Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
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I've come to realize that my insane, yet innate, desire to live forever is combined with my inherent laziness and hatred for many of the things that can lengthen my lifespan. But hey, it's just life. It's just death. It's just the space in between that matters, but what's the matter is the people. I mean in the end what is life but a series of people that affect you and give your life a point of reference? Before you met them and after you met them. Your life was different. It's strange to think of all the people you'll never meet, the billions and billions of people that you will never meet. That will never affect your life.
You see them though. In their cars, in the bars, drinking their lives away. You judge them, you wish you were them, you’re so glad your’e not them. You see them in the malls, wasting away their days. Not going anywhere, not being anything, just living on borrowed time and replacing their sadness by buying things. But what do these things bring, besides the desire for more? Like a junkie chained to the radiator slamming his head on the floor. Perhaps this is Nirvana, perhaps this is the next life, chained to the radiator just out of reach of the knife.
Happy?
It's just relative. You can never be "happy" only more or less happy than you used to be. So perk up because if today is better than yesterday maybe that's true happiness. Every day better than the last.
So don't talk to me about how you want to be happy. Don't talk to me about how sad you are. Actually just dont talk to me at all. I'm happy here walking alone in the rain. It's quite nice actually. People give rain a bad name, but that’s just because sunlight is a drug. Rain is thinking weather. Rain is when the Declaration of Independence was thought up, and Mein Kampf.
Heavy shit goes down in the rain.
(Amazing what the mind comes upwith while completely bored and staring at the down fall of rain)
[Also for anyone that doesn't know Mein Kampf was writen by Hitler and was used as the Nazi Bible. Translated from German it means 'my struggle'.]
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Monday, September 11th, 2006
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You want to know the meaning of irony? It's simple really. I was cleaning my mothers room and when i shut (or sortaslam) the door a picture fell off the wall. Not just any picture that's in that special hall way. It's the only picture of us, as a family. Not just A family picture, it's the family picture we took the day my momand Ken got married.
Some even more irony. You know those frames that have all those sappy sayings? Yea it has one of those sappy sayings about family. So in the mistes of all this fighting we have going on, me seetheing, that picture falls. And i realized that what that damn picture frame says.... is pure *shit* when it comes to my family. What a lovely though.
Lets see if more irony happens today. Because, boy howdy, it's fun,
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Why does it seem that every time my life seems to come together only moments later it fals apart and i have todrag myself upagain? Sometimes i wonder, repeatedly, if happiness is just a figment of my imagination.
Things were coming together. I was happy, medical getting better. Found out that some old friends want to see me again. I'm building a closer relationship with the guy that i like. Me and my dad don't have such a strained relationship, same with my step-mom. Things were coming together. Until i came home on yesterday.
It seems that in the two days i was gone my mom and Step-dad Ken are fighting. How? No clue. Why? No fucking idea. I have no idea because my mom is not talking to be. I ask her why and she won't talk about it. All i know is it has something to do with money. Because my mom WANTS to go out and get a second job for spending money. I know we don't need the money. We are slightly well off. Ken works lonng hours and him notbeing here puts a strained onhis and my mom's relationship but he does so, so we can have themoney we need plus extra.
I tried to tomy mom when she was on lunch (David and Sarah were onlunch too) and she just beat around the bush so she wouldn't have to tellme. She usally tell me. We talk and she tells me it'll be find. She's being selfish. That's what she's doing. She says she's going on strike forsome fucking reason. So since i'mthe only one home ihave to do even more shit. I have toclean the whole house, dinner, take care of the dog and even more than i already do.
Anyway when i was talking to my mom i got frustated so my eyes started watering and my brother came in and started joking around and i was tired of it. I'm so tired of all there fighting. So i said i was fine. I walked off and i said if they (mom and Ken) want to fight then it's there fucking problem and i don't care anymore. After David and Sarah left a couple minutes later my mom came and sat with me on the couch. I didn't want to talk to her so i didn't. I was pissed, i'm still pissed at her. Sears called for me to say my contacts are in so i told her and she said "What are you telling me for?"
I told her so she's in the loop. She asked how i was going to get them and i told her i'd have sarah talk me. I was getting even more mad because she was being a total bitch about it. Then she said "How you going to pay for it"So i told her that i thought she had so she could go ahead and bill my dad since Child Support is ending. And i know i hit low and said it totally bitchy but i'm tired of her attitode. She looked at me and said "I didn't bill your father. Are you going to give me a attitude because then i'll just leave" I just watched TV and didn't answer. She got up made a lot of noise upstairs and then left ingnoring me sayig goodbye.
I'm not calling to say sorry because i meant what i said. Damn, sometimes i think March is too long of a time to wait until i leave. Thankfully i'm getting my liesence soon and a car so i can spend a lot of time at my job or away from the house. Hell, i'll become a Borders bum. Anything that being at home.
And now i'm off to clean the house and do the laundry while inbetween i study for my ASVAB (Military apptiude test) and learn the things i need for bootcamp.
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flames_of_night's journal
jubilant.
energetic.
emotionless.